My senior girl

I can't believe it! Kristen is starting her senior year in college. It seems like just yesterday that she was starting kindergarten, then middle school, and high school and then we were packing her up to move to Chapel Hill and now she is on her last year. I am so proud of her. She has grown into a wonderful young woman.

Now What?

Well, after that heartwrenching blog complete with tears, heartache and finally peace I check my messages, bad idea!! One of our long lost customers has placed a big order. Now what to do? The money would really help out but then we are right back where we were last year. After I give them their new price quote they may back out anyway. I am really confused right now. Is this just a test to see if I have really left it behind or did I hear God wrong ?(again)
Will be in deep prayer over this situation!!!

Chapter 7 & 8 Last Weeks

Are you in a void right now? (condensed version)
I can so relate to this question because I am in a void right now. I am waiting for God to show me the next step. I finish CNA classes on Thursday and then what? I have no idea. I don't have a clear answer for the future right now. I feel like I am floating in a void waiting for God to show me the way.

Make Room by saying Goodbye!
I keep hearing through this study that you have to say goodbye before you can say hello! I know it will be hard to get a job as a caregiver and stay in the furniture business too. I have been running different scenerios through my head and nothing works. I truly believe God is telling me to step away and He will provide. The thought makes my heart pound and the blood rush to my face. I am scared of failing!! Not of God failing but of me missing the clues and making the wrong decisions. I will be praying for courage to fall God's will for me!

Det. 6:23 He brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers.

This verse recomfirms what I am feeling in my heart (my pounding heart). God needs for me to trust Him. I just have a lot of baggage to leave behind when I go so it is taking me awhile to get out the door and satan keeps throwing stones in my way and slowing my progress. I am looking for the bridge from the old to the new. I am looking for a big sturdy one with lots of support but I think God is showing me a rickety swing bridge with no safety net accept Him. I have put my foot on it a couple of times but always pull back. It is time to take the first step that leads to the journey on His Path! He won't let me fall. Also I know this bridge isn't going to hold all my baggage, I have to leave it behind or it will collapse under me. I am have to say that it is with tears in my eyes that I realize what I have to do, and it breaks my heart but it is time to move on!
Dear God give me the strength to do what has to be done. Amen

My harvest is just beginning
John 15:8 This is to my Father's glory,
that you bear much fruit,
showing yourselves to be my disciples.

God wants me in a better position to bear much fruit so I will plant myself wherever He sends me. I am not overjoyed at the idea of not working with my husband and of not being at home anymore but I am trusting God to use this to His glory!!! I just pray for courage as I cross over the bridge so I won't turn around and run back to the other side and miss the blessing waiting for me on God's side.

Week 5 & 6 Cindi

1. Numbers 11:4 describes the Israelites desire for meat as a craving. So what it the different in desire and craving?

Webster Definitions:

Desire--to long or hope for, to express a wish for

Crave--to ask for earnestly, to want greatly

To me craving is a more physical feeling while desire is more emotional. When I have a craving for chocolate get out of the way, I got to have it, while my desires make me melancholy. I will move heaven and earth to get my cravings while I just long for my desires. I don't have many cravings, thank God, but I think maybe my prayers should be more like cravings. The word says in John 16:24 "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." Maybe I need to crave God more in my life instead of wistfully longing for Him.
Now cravings that you have to hide are not good!! Like telling your husband that the store was out of his favorite ice cream and buying your favorite so it will last all week. Not that I would ever do that to my wonderful husband!

2.Fruit from the Promise Land
I think I can answer this better now that I have spent some time in clinicals. I truly believe that I will be able to work in a nursing job. I wasn't too sure while I was in class but after working there for a couple of nights I realize that my God-given talent of helping people will fill in for my lack of knowledge. This has given me the faith to pursue my education in the nursing field.

3.Turning problems over to God

I love the quote by Charles Spurgeon, especially the proverb "He who is his own lawyer has a fool for his client". I just realized that I am the one who creates my problems so how can I fix them. I will just keep digging deeper and deeper because that is what I do but God can take the shovel out of my hand then reach down and pull me out of the pit. I am ready to stop digging and start praying.

Week 3 & 4 Cindi

Week 3
Question 1
What has satan told me that was true without being the truth? I think that the biggest lie I have bought into is that I can be total self-sufficient. Yeah,right! I sooooo need God. I am a mess on my own. I will run into a wall, bounce off and do it again and again and again


Question 2
Genuine Faith puts its letter in the mailbox and lets it go. Distrust, however, holds onto a corner then wonders why an answer never come.

You know this is kinda funny because I had a realization this week and that is that I am in the middle of a "hard time" in my life. I have read many devotions from people who have had a rough time and I wonder how I would react in that situation and it dawned on me that I am in a rough spot. Now how I am handling it is another story. I have to let go of the letter and see what comes back. Easier said than done! I really want to see the plan for my future. I would like some time lines and dates but that is not how God works.



Week 4

Question 3
I am not sure that I have an example of a relationship that started off with an idolatrous beginning and ending with a positive relationship. I know of several people who were "important" to me for a short period of time but when that phase of my life was over they drifted away. I am think specifically about other moms I met when my girls were involved in different activities through out the years. There were people who I had contact with everyday for months or years and now I don't even think about them. When the girls moved on so did I. I just wonder if I left anybody behind wondering why I never call anymore. I don't feel that way about any of them but maybe I missed out on something. I was so wrapped up in the girls lives that I moved on when they did but what if there was somebody who still needed a friend? I let my idols at that time dictate my life. I don't regret the time I spent with my girls but I was very jealous of anything that took me away from them. I put them 1st in my life and maybe I left somebody out that really needed me.

Question 4
Cost of desperation?

Hmmmm, that one has me stumped. I am sure I have done things in desperation before and disguised it as quick thinking, you know desperate times call for desperate measures. That saying really should be" in desperate times call for God". God is never out of options but I just want a quick answer but I know that a quick answer is usually not from God.
The story of Leah and Rachel really breaks my heart. Two women fighting over one man, so typical of our society today. I have always told Rod I would fight for him but not over him. I hope to never have to put that one in to action because I have seen totally rational women go crazy in those situations and we all know I can be irrational at times. (No comments please)
If I think of a specific situation I will add it on later.

Cindi

Week 2

Cindi


We are a Peculiar People Set Apart by God

People of God

Excited to be His

Called to be His

Universally His

Loved by Him

Invited by Him

Abundant Life from Him

Righteousness by Him



3. Being able to laugh in life is a gift from God. Being at peace with yourself gives you the ability to enjoy life. I can see joy in lots of situations that without God I would be crying over. I can also laugh at myself because of my assurance of God's love for me. He knows I am not perfect so what does it matter what anybody else thinks of me.



4.Fear protects our idols.

Now that is a interesting take on things. I think Kelly is right. We can blame lots of stuff on being afraid, like fear of change, stepping outside our comfort zones, meeting new friends and witnessing for Jesus can all be forstalled by fear. Forstalling doing what God wants us to do is usually a pride issue. It could be that our pride is the idol so we use fear to keep us from doing it.
One of my idols is/was being a "business woman". I never thought I wouldn't have our business to sustain my image. Well now I just might not have it any longer. We are on hold until this fall and then we have to make some serious decisions about our future. I am learning to deal with the lost and frankly it feels like the death of a loved one. The family has been in the furniture business for over 30 years so it is a part of us but as we know sometimes God has other plans for us. I know He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us as Jeremiah 29:11 tells me and I am holding on tightly to that verse. This is the first time in my life that I can honestly say "I have no idea what the future holds" but I never really did anyway just thought I did because I had my idols.
So I am trying to conquer my fears so that I can release my idols and not go running back to them when things get rocky but will run to God and His Word to steady me.
That's all until next week.

Week One--Defining my Pharaohs

Cindi

I have realized that blogging everyday is just not possible right now. My days are way too short and blogging on the run just will not cut it. So anyway, I am going to wrap up week one today.
As I struggled to name my pharaohs I realized that Leah hit the nail on the head. I am too worried about being connected. I always have my phone with me, even in class I check it several times a night. When I am driving it is right there under my leg so I don't miss a call. When I get home I turn on the laptop and check my buddy list to see if the girls are online and the thought of being at work without the Internet? Horror!!!
I also believe that my volunteer work could and may already be a god in my life. I am struggling with the issue of giving up teaching Sunday school so I can be available to drive for VJGC. My friend Elizabeth is struggle with a issue and something she said Friday night really got me thinking. She said that maybe she was suppose to stay in her present job where she is used and abused by the public because that is where she can do the most good instead of in her dream job
where she would be in more loving and welcoming environment.
Maybe being in that classroom is where God wants me instead of driving the van for the VJGC. Volunteering at the camp is such a "high profile" job that it is easy to say "yes, I'll do it"
I don't have to prepare, just show up and all the preliminary work is done for me. I have to say it is a lot easier than other volunteer work that I have done in the past.
But I heard a saying on the radio , "You should always do what is right and good".
Now sometimes right isn't always "good". I don't mean we should do wrong or bad stuff but sometimes God calls us for jobs that are hard, lonely, and just not fun. Is a high profile volunteer position a pharaoh in my life? I believe if it is not now it could be quickly become one. Satan can use the good for his purpose if we don't guard against him at all times.
My prayer for this week is to let God use my skills to glorify HIM. A devotions I read today said we must let God use us. It is a choice, not an obligation. He wants our permission to be HIS HANDS in our world. I love that I have the option to be His servant. It is not mandatory. Wow, now how is that for freedom.

Response to Leah's first blog

I have to blog really quick in response to Leah's first blog. Young lady, you are awesome!!!
The only problem with having such smart children is they keep you on your toes.
Your words really touched me. You really got me thinking about how connected I am to the world. I also need to think about my "volunteer work". Would it be so much fun if I was driving an old dirty van and using my own money? and plus doesn't the bible say to not let the right hand know what the left is doing? What if I have a patient who is not very likable? Will I still be so joyfully? I need to figure out how I am feeling in my void? What if I volunteered for an organization that was "popular" What if bible study meant going in to a hostile environment instead in the midst of my soul sisters?
Hmmmm, will be doing some more soul searching!!!

Week 1 Day 1 by Leah

First I want to say that its a little intimidating to join in a bible study group in which my partner is well on her way to sainthood. Whatever I say is going to sound pretty crazy whenever compared to a woman who's distractions from God are volunteer work and bible study. But you know I'm just kidding Mom, I'm so very excited about this bible study and can't wait to find out what I learn about myself and you!
Today I was wandering around the office on some errand or another and my mind was wandering too. I started thinking about people who are addicted to things such as gambling, cigarettes and alcohol. I caught myself thinking "Man, I'm glad I don't have an addictive personality". Then I stopped and realized, actually yes I do. I think everyone has an addictive personality. Like mom quoted below, a god that takes place of God can be anything that your mind focuses on besides Him. What do I think about all day? What occupies my mind at any given moment. I think for me I am addicted to people and society. I am a perfect example of my generation and of our current modern culture. I am always plugged into technology. I am never "turned off" from the world. My cell phone is always by my side. I am constantly checking for texts and missed calls. At work and at home I am almost always logged into AIM and Gmail and other chat devices. I also am always checking what I think is one of the most self-servant vain false gods-Facebook. Its all about ME ME ME look at ME. Look what I did, look at what I think.
I want my mind to be free of these false gods to focus on my real God. I want to live a fulfilling truthful life.
As any human being, I have a void inside of me. If I step away from the false gods that are filling it now, the void will work as a vacuum and immediately try to fill itself with the first thing it can. I don't want to fill it with another false god such as a career, a boyfriend, etc. God will step in if I can be open enough to receive Him.

Week 1 Day 2

Substituting for God in my Life

I really did some soul searching on this day. Of course I first thought that I always put God first but then that little voice of nagging doubt started to pound louder in my head.
Bible study, internet, reading, all can very easily distract me from spending time with my Lord. Just being quiet and listening for His Voice is very hard for me. I want to be "productive" . I would rather be doing something.
Kelly says that a god could be something that is "incredibly good that has only turned bad by virtue of how much it consumes you."
If I become consumed by anything then it shuts God out and the door could be labeled many "good" things like volunteer work, bible study, school, even fellowship with my soul sisters. I try to preface all my actions with "To God be the Glory" but sometimes it is to Cindi be the glory.

Week 1 Day 1 Personal Pharaohs

Cindi


This day has me thinking hard! What is my personal pharaohs? False god, idols, do I really have them in my life? I have always thought of idols as a thing such as houses, cars, money but I also know it can be a desire or a dream. So what is my idol? Is it how I want people to perceive me? I worry that all my volunteer work could turn into a professed god. I truly strive to have a heart like Jesus. I don't want to be "volunteer of the week" !!! or have praises heaped on my head for all my good deeds. I think sometimes I get caught up in doing and forgetting the reason for it all. Maybe that is my paraoh! I need to spend more time listening to God and spending time with Him so He can show me what He has planned for me instead of me filling every minute with busyness. Busy work is not always God's work, as my dear soul sister Julie has pointed out on many occasions.

Am I like Peter?

I don't know if I will ever be called to offer my life as a sacrifce for Christ. Would I deny Him? I think not but then I think about Peter. He said he would never leave Him but looked what happened when he was put to the test.
I think about how we are called to be a witness for Christ every minutes of the day and how many times I deny Him. I deny Him by not letting people in front of me in traffic, being rude to the obnoxious telemarketer, or the slow check-out clerk, or the inexperienced mechanic, need I go on. We all have experiences everyday that we could turn in to a Christ-acknowledging experience if we choose to.
Now I can't shop in Wal-mart without God pushing my buggy!! I will turn in to the ugliest person you have ever seen. I know that Satan lives there, and just waits for me to show up so I will deny Christ and sure as the world I turn in to someone who walks off and leaves her full buggy at the check-out , muttering under my breath about how this is the reason I don't shop at Wal-mart. Now I might have made a point, but for who? I am sure Satan chalked one up for me on his blackboard. Thanks be to God that I got that one erased from His chart by confessing to Him that I let my pride get the better of me. I thought, how dare they hold me up, me of all people, just for a price check. Anyway, can't go back until I do some serious pray time with my Coach. I failed to acknowlege Christ that day for sure.

I had a road rage attack the other day and was actually playing chicken with a man in a Toyota truck because he was riding in the middle of the road so I would have to get behind him when we merged into a one lane road up ahead. I am now sure he was doing it for the safety of the workers but I just had one thought in my head, Who does he think he is telling me when to merge into traffic"? I found myself inching up beside him with the intentions of forcing him into the right lane where he would be stuck. I am just glad that my Jesus fish sticker was on the back of jeep where he couldn't see because I am sure it was floating upside down since I was denying Christ big time that day. Another trip back to chalkboard for me, I just hope God doesn't use up all His erasers this month.
I have realized that I am denying Christ every time I gossip, make jokes about people, tell little lies or lie by omission, you know "the well you didn't ask me that!! " lie. I is sad how many ways I can find to deny Christ everyday in the seemingly little thing but at the end of the day they add up to one big thing--Did I deny Christ today? Most days I have to check yes by that one.

Out of the darkness

At about 6:30 am as I walked into our warehouse I realized how much easier it was to see in the dark when coming in from the dark. The light switches are across the building (male electricians, need I say more?) and our security light burns out every week. So I usually have to flip open my cell phone for light but this morning I realized I could see the panel box without any help. I realized that my eyes hadn't been exposed to light yet so I could see inside the dark building. Now when the sun is up, I am absolutely blinded with I walk inside. It struck me that sometimes that is how my relationship is with God. When I come in from the darkI can find the light almost immediately but when I have been running in the sun for awhile I have a hard time seeing the source of my light. I am blinded by the bright glittery lights of the the world and have to readjust my vision to see God. Being blinded by the world distorts my view of the one and only light source. When life is going good, I need to stop and recharge my batteries so when I hit the darkness I can quickly bring up the light, the light of the world, Jesus Christ.