I have to blog really quick in response to Leah's first blog. Young lady, you are awesome!!!
The only problem with having such smart children is they keep you on your toes.
Your words really touched me. You really got me thinking about how connected I am to the world. I also need to think about my "volunteer work". Would it be so much fun if I was driving an old dirty van and using my own money? and plus doesn't the bible say to not let the right hand know what the left is doing? What if I have a patient who is not very likable? Will I still be so joyfully? I need to figure out how I am feeling in my void? What if I volunteered for an organization that was "popular" What if bible study meant going in to a hostile environment instead in the midst of my soul sisters?
Hmmmm, will be doing some more soul searching!!!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Week 1 Day 1 by Leah
First I want to say that its a little intimidating to join in a bible study group in which my partner is well on her way to sainthood. Whatever I say is going to sound pretty crazy whenever compared to a woman who's distractions from God are volunteer work and bible study. But you know I'm just kidding Mom, I'm so very excited about this bible study and can't wait to find out what I learn about myself and you!
Today I was wandering around the office on some errand or another and my mind was wandering too. I started thinking about people who are addicted to things such as gambling, cigarettes and alcohol. I caught myself thinking "Man, I'm glad I don't have an addictive personality". Then I stopped and realized, actually yes I do. I think everyone has an addictive personality. Like mom quoted below, a god that takes place of God can be anything that your mind focuses on besides Him. What do I think about all day? What occupies my mind at any given moment. I think for me I am addicted to people and society. I am a perfect example of my generation and of our current modern culture. I am always plugged into technology. I am never "turned off" from the world. My cell phone is always by my side. I am constantly checking for texts and missed calls. At work and at home I am almost always logged into AIM and Gmail and other chat devices. I also am always checking what I think is one of the most self-servant vain false gods-Facebook. Its all about ME ME ME look at ME. Look what I did, look at what I think.
I want my mind to be free of these false gods to focus on my real God. I want to live a fulfilling truthful life.
As any human being, I have a void inside of me. If I step away from the false gods that are filling it now, the void will work as a vacuum and immediately try to fill itself with the first thing it can. I don't want to fill it with another false god such as a career, a boyfriend, etc. God will step in if I can be open enough to receive Him.
Today I was wandering around the office on some errand or another and my mind was wandering too. I started thinking about people who are addicted to things such as gambling, cigarettes and alcohol. I caught myself thinking "Man, I'm glad I don't have an addictive personality". Then I stopped and realized, actually yes I do. I think everyone has an addictive personality. Like mom quoted below, a god that takes place of God can be anything that your mind focuses on besides Him. What do I think about all day? What occupies my mind at any given moment. I think for me I am addicted to people and society. I am a perfect example of my generation and of our current modern culture. I am always plugged into technology. I am never "turned off" from the world. My cell phone is always by my side. I am constantly checking for texts and missed calls. At work and at home I am almost always logged into AIM and Gmail and other chat devices. I also am always checking what I think is one of the most self-servant vain false gods-Facebook. Its all about ME ME ME look at ME. Look what I did, look at what I think.
I want my mind to be free of these false gods to focus on my real God. I want to live a fulfilling truthful life.
As any human being, I have a void inside of me. If I step away from the false gods that are filling it now, the void will work as a vacuum and immediately try to fill itself with the first thing it can. I don't want to fill it with another false god such as a career, a boyfriend, etc. God will step in if I can be open enough to receive Him.
Week 1 Day 2
Substituting for God in my Life
I really did some soul searching on this day. Of course I first thought that I always put God first but then that little voice of nagging doubt started to pound louder in my head.
Bible study, internet, reading, all can very easily distract me from spending time with my Lord. Just being quiet and listening for His Voice is very hard for me. I want to be "productive" . I would rather be doing something.
Kelly says that a god could be something that is "incredibly good that has only turned bad by virtue of how much it consumes you."
If I become consumed by anything then it shuts God out and the door could be labeled many "good" things like volunteer work, bible study, school, even fellowship with my soul sisters. I try to preface all my actions with "To God be the Glory" but sometimes it is to Cindi be the glory.
I really did some soul searching on this day. Of course I first thought that I always put God first but then that little voice of nagging doubt started to pound louder in my head.
Bible study, internet, reading, all can very easily distract me from spending time with my Lord. Just being quiet and listening for His Voice is very hard for me. I want to be "productive" . I would rather be doing something.
Kelly says that a god could be something that is "incredibly good that has only turned bad by virtue of how much it consumes you."
If I become consumed by anything then it shuts God out and the door could be labeled many "good" things like volunteer work, bible study, school, even fellowship with my soul sisters. I try to preface all my actions with "To God be the Glory" but sometimes it is to Cindi be the glory.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Week 1 Day 1 Personal Pharaohs
Cindi
This day has me thinking hard! What is my personal pharaohs? False god, idols, do I really have them in my life? I have always thought of idols as a thing such as houses, cars, money but I also know it can be a desire or a dream. So what is my idol? Is it how I want people to perceive me? I worry that all my volunteer work could turn into a professed god. I truly strive to have a heart like Jesus. I don't want to be "volunteer of the week" !!! or have praises heaped on my head for all my good deeds. I think sometimes I get caught up in doing and forgetting the reason for it all. Maybe that is my paraoh! I need to spend more time listening to God and spending time with Him so He can show me what He has planned for me instead of me filling every minute with busyness. Busy work is not always God's work, as my dear soul sister Julie has pointed out on many occasions.
This day has me thinking hard! What is my personal pharaohs? False god, idols, do I really have them in my life? I have always thought of idols as a thing such as houses, cars, money but I also know it can be a desire or a dream. So what is my idol? Is it how I want people to perceive me? I worry that all my volunteer work could turn into a professed god. I truly strive to have a heart like Jesus. I don't want to be "volunteer of the week" !!! or have praises heaped on my head for all my good deeds. I think sometimes I get caught up in doing and forgetting the reason for it all. Maybe that is my paraoh! I need to spend more time listening to God and spending time with Him so He can show me what He has planned for me instead of me filling every minute with busyness. Busy work is not always God's work, as my dear soul sister Julie has pointed out on many occasions.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Am I like Peter?
I don't know if I will ever be called to offer my life as a sacrifce for Christ. Would I deny Him? I think not but then I think about Peter. He said he would never leave Him but looked what happened when he was put to the test.
I think about how we are called to be a witness for Christ every minutes of the day and how many times I deny Him. I deny Him by not letting people in front of me in traffic, being rude to the obnoxious telemarketer, or the slow check-out clerk, or the inexperienced mechanic, need I go on. We all have experiences everyday that we could turn in to a Christ-acknowledging experience if we choose to.
Now I can't shop in Wal-mart without God pushing my buggy!! I will turn in to the ugliest person you have ever seen. I know that Satan lives there, and just waits for me to show up so I will deny Christ and sure as the world I turn in to someone who walks off and leaves her full buggy at the check-out , muttering under my breath about how this is the reason I don't shop at Wal-mart. Now I might have made a point, but for who? I am sure Satan chalked one up for me on his blackboard. Thanks be to God that I got that one erased from His chart by confessing to Him that I let my pride get the better of me. I thought, how dare they hold me up, me of all people, just for a price check. Anyway, can't go back until I do some serious pray time with my Coach. I failed to acknowlege Christ that day for sure.
I had a road rage attack the other day and was actually playing chicken with a man in a Toyota truck because he was riding in the middle of the road so I would have to get behind him when we merged into a one lane road up ahead. I am now sure he was doing it for the safety of the workers but I just had one thought in my head, Who does he think he is telling me when to merge into traffic"? I found myself inching up beside him with the intentions of forcing him into the right lane where he would be stuck. I am just glad that my Jesus fish sticker was on the back of jeep where he couldn't see because I am sure it was floating upside down since I was denying Christ big time that day. Another trip back to chalkboard for me, I just hope God doesn't use up all His erasers this month.
I have realized that I am denying Christ every time I gossip, make jokes about people, tell little lies or lie by omission, you know "the well you didn't ask me that!! " lie. I is sad how many ways I can find to deny Christ everyday in the seemingly little thing but at the end of the day they add up to one big thing--Did I deny Christ today? Most days I have to check yes by that one.
I think about how we are called to be a witness for Christ every minutes of the day and how many times I deny Him. I deny Him by not letting people in front of me in traffic, being rude to the obnoxious telemarketer, or the slow check-out clerk, or the inexperienced mechanic, need I go on. We all have experiences everyday that we could turn in to a Christ-acknowledging experience if we choose to.
Now I can't shop in Wal-mart without God pushing my buggy!! I will turn in to the ugliest person you have ever seen. I know that Satan lives there, and just waits for me to show up so I will deny Christ and sure as the world I turn in to someone who walks off and leaves her full buggy at the check-out , muttering under my breath about how this is the reason I don't shop at Wal-mart. Now I might have made a point, but for who? I am sure Satan chalked one up for me on his blackboard. Thanks be to God that I got that one erased from His chart by confessing to Him that I let my pride get the better of me. I thought, how dare they hold me up, me of all people, just for a price check. Anyway, can't go back until I do some serious pray time with my Coach. I failed to acknowlege Christ that day for sure.
I had a road rage attack the other day and was actually playing chicken with a man in a Toyota truck because he was riding in the middle of the road so I would have to get behind him when we merged into a one lane road up ahead. I am now sure he was doing it for the safety of the workers but I just had one thought in my head, Who does he think he is telling me when to merge into traffic"? I found myself inching up beside him with the intentions of forcing him into the right lane where he would be stuck. I am just glad that my Jesus fish sticker was on the back of jeep where he couldn't see because I am sure it was floating upside down since I was denying Christ big time that day. Another trip back to chalkboard for me, I just hope God doesn't use up all His erasers this month.
I have realized that I am denying Christ every time I gossip, make jokes about people, tell little lies or lie by omission, you know "the well you didn't ask me that!! " lie. I is sad how many ways I can find to deny Christ everyday in the seemingly little thing but at the end of the day they add up to one big thing--Did I deny Christ today? Most days I have to check yes by that one.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Out of the darkness
At about 6:30 am as I walked into our warehouse I realized how much easier it was to see in the dark when coming in from the dark. The light switches are across the building (male electricians, need I say more?) and our security light burns out every week. So I usually have to flip open my cell phone for light but this morning I realized I could see the panel box without any help. I realized that my eyes hadn't been exposed to light yet so I could see inside the dark building. Now when the sun is up, I am absolutely blinded with I walk inside. It struck me that sometimes that is how my relationship is with God. When I come in from the darkI can find the light almost immediately but when I have been running in the sun for awhile I have a hard time seeing the source of my light. I am blinded by the bright glittery lights of the the world and have to readjust my vision to see God. Being blinded by the world distorts my view of the one and only light source. When life is going good, I need to stop and recharge my batteries so when I hit the darkness I can quickly bring up the light, the light of the world, Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Tal's birthday
Today my nephew Clay 6 years old. Happy Birthday Clay!!! Thank you Lord for him.
Today my brother would have been 38 years old. Thank you Lord for the years we had with him. He died almost 12 years ago.
I thought that I would never be able to smile again but God heals. Time can't heal only God does! If you don't turn your sorrow over to God then you will never heal, 12 years or 20 years the hurt will still linger only it will turn into bitterness and anger. You will then be in bondage which is worse then sorrow because you can't go forward. The enemy uses time to hide all your true feelings and just when you think you have made progress it will return with full force. So exactly the saying "time heals" is a lie that the satan uses to keep us in bondage.
Being healed by God isn't easy but it does have a positive outcome. God will hold you in His palm as you cry and bring the sunshine just when it seems you can't see your way out of the darkness. The key is to give Him our pain willingly so He can heal us. It won't be overnight but it will happen if we willingly surrender to God. Give my pain to God was tough for me because I was enjoying it. I knew exactly what to do to reduce my self to tears and believe it or not I actually looked forward to it. It was an addiction. Satan was using me to his benefit. I was mad at God and acting out in several rebellious ways. I had left our home church, since that was the last place I saw him alive, and was church hoping. I finally ended up attending a huge church so I could just go when I felt like it. I shudder to think about how my actions hurt God. He so wanted to comfort me but I had put up a wall between us. Now God expects us to question the terrible things that happen in our lives but we have to accept that He knows best. One day God showed me that it was time to put my season of grief behind me and to move on with life. That doesn't mean that I don't still have sad times but I can look forward to the holiday season with joy in my heart instead of absolute dread. Thanks be to God Almighty, our Comforter and Strength.
Today my brother would have been 38 years old. Thank you Lord for the years we had with him. He died almost 12 years ago.
I thought that I would never be able to smile again but God heals. Time can't heal only God does! If you don't turn your sorrow over to God then you will never heal, 12 years or 20 years the hurt will still linger only it will turn into bitterness and anger. You will then be in bondage which is worse then sorrow because you can't go forward. The enemy uses time to hide all your true feelings and just when you think you have made progress it will return with full force. So exactly the saying "time heals" is a lie that the satan uses to keep us in bondage.
Being healed by God isn't easy but it does have a positive outcome. God will hold you in His palm as you cry and bring the sunshine just when it seems you can't see your way out of the darkness. The key is to give Him our pain willingly so He can heal us. It won't be overnight but it will happen if we willingly surrender to God. Give my pain to God was tough for me because I was enjoying it. I knew exactly what to do to reduce my self to tears and believe it or not I actually looked forward to it. It was an addiction. Satan was using me to his benefit. I was mad at God and acting out in several rebellious ways. I had left our home church, since that was the last place I saw him alive, and was church hoping. I finally ended up attending a huge church so I could just go when I felt like it. I shudder to think about how my actions hurt God. He so wanted to comfort me but I had put up a wall between us. Now God expects us to question the terrible things that happen in our lives but we have to accept that He knows best. One day God showed me that it was time to put my season of grief behind me and to move on with life. That doesn't mean that I don't still have sad times but I can look forward to the holiday season with joy in my heart instead of absolute dread. Thanks be to God Almighty, our Comforter and Strength.
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